4 Practical Ways to Build Resilience

With the stress of daily life, and current world challenges, it is crucial to build resilience. Resilience is the ability to move through adversity with flexibility and curiosity, instead of letting life get the best of us.

When life throws us a curveball and we experience grief, loss, emotional challenges, a relationship or job ending- you name it, it is imperative to lean on healthy coping skills.

Resiliency can help aid in facing adversity, dealing with uncertainties, and turning pain into power. All of us have experienced hardships in life we can reflect on and recognize we ended up coming out stronger and more resilient.

And let me be clear- resilience doesn’t mean we act tough or emotionless, but resilience provides us a way to handle our emotions with more grace, optimism, and self-compassion. The following tools will help you build resilience and cope when you are in the thick of a difficult situation and are making your way to the other side.

1. Self-Compassion

   
   

Having compassion for ourselves and others during difficult situations can increase our resilience ten-fold. If you have a terrible day at work and come home taking it out on others (family, friends, etc.) what is one thing (yes, just one thing) you can do to make yourself feel better? This will look different for everyone reading this- but a walk outside to get fresh air, calling a loved one, taking a bubble bath, resting, practicing gratitude, listening to music, making tea, etc. are all small acts of personal kindness and self-care that can make a big difference.

2. Practicing Mindfulness

   
   

Mindfulness practices including meditation, yoga, and breathing techniques are all ways to help our body slowdown in times of crisis. The goal of mindfulness is to slow the mind and body down so you can feel more at ease in tackling life’s challenges. YouTube has endless free resources for this- Yoga with Adriene and Sara Beth Yoga are a couple of my personal favorite yogis who teach yoga for various skill levels, with a focus on beginner level practices. There are specific practices which highlight managing anxiety, depression, stress, self-care, and more.

3. Meaningful Connection

   
   

We simply cannot get through life alone- as humans, we are hardwired to create meaningful and supportive connections. This can be as simple as calling a friend or loved one if we are feeling lonely, or grabbing a coffee with someone we haven’t seen in a long time. Sometimes simply talking to someone we trust can be therapeutic- and this doesn’t always have to be a mental health professional (even though that can be helpful, too). Leaning into others for support can create resilience and help us feel hopeful during stressful times.

4. Recognize your Locus of Control

   
   

Locus of control sounds like a fancy term - but it is a straightforward concept. We either have an external or internal locus of control in life, or a mix of both. External locus of control means we feel that other people, situations, or outside forces have control of our lives. Example: “I failed the test because the questions were unfair, and the teacher set me up for failure.” Internal locus of control means we feel a sense of personal control and influence within our lives. Example: “I studied hard and understood the material, so I excelled on my test.”

People who experience an external locus of control are constantly blaming others for circumstances in their lives. People who feel an internal locus of control take responsibility for their actions and experience more resilience. It is important to understand where you lean in this area, as increasing your internal locus of control will build resilience, while an external locus of control will keep you feeling stuck.

I often refer to the Serenity prayer for help in this area with my clients in private practice. Even though it originated from Alcoholics Anonymous, it can be applied to many areas of life, regardless of chemical dependency concerns.

Serenity Prayer

Happy Resilience Building!

Aubrey Fredrickson, MSW, LGSW